When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
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11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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