I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
