I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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