you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
