You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
