You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
