Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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