god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
she smelled like a LAN party
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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