Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Randomize
