seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
