the condom got lost in my hair
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize