Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
