Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
