well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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