I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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