If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
