sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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