Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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