okay pat passed out under dana's car
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
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