my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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