i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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