my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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