We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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