I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
