you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
