ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
