the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
