is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
