Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
