I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
