Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
