I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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