So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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