I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
