Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Randomize
