I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
