And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
