:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
