So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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