I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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