i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
