You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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