i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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