i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
