her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
