The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
