i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
