i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
