He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
