just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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