So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
