You're my little dorito
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i already hear my dad disowning me
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
