I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
