Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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