tonight lets celebrate not being married
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
