i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
