belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
