Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Operation Purity has been aborted
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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