Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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