He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
