I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
