The best revenge is premature balding
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
