at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Are my feet made of real feet?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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