my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
