i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
