Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
