Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
