Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
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I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
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Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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