no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
