I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
