i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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