Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
