I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
a search helicopter?!
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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