i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
