I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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