I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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