No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
