Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
