I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
NoShamevember. You game?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
