and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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