Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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