Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
